I find that most of my inspiration comes at night after I have lived through an entire day. My clearest thoughts on life seem to come out at night, by night, I mean well after 12 midnight.  It’s probably because I have adjusted my lifestyle and have learned to live in the night.  I also find that in addition to my crystal clear logic that seeps out in the midnight hour, my emotional releases, i.e. crying my eyeballs out, makes me see the world in a whole new light.  I cry in the night.  No surprise there.  Catharsis in any form makes someone feel better and see more clearly than they had before.  Like any other female, or any person with overwhelming feminine qualities to them who subscribe to society’s pre-concieved notion of what qualities are feminine i.e. being emotional, I must talk and reason situations out as it brings me peace of mind.  The talking usually includes a lot of crying.  Crying, as a response to a particular situation, is also a symptom and response to my emotional instability.  I am 25 and I have never been more emotional in my life; if someone looks at me the wrong way I want to scream.  I have always been in touch with my emotions and have never been afraid to let go but as I have gotten older, I have had to hold my breath and compartmentalize my emotions.  It has become a survival technique and the only way I have been able to keep my sanity during these massively frustrating and confusing times. a.k.a. my twenties.  And what a magical time in life it is!  Ahh, the twenties, when relationships and career choices will affect your every waking moment and quite possibly the rest of your life.  Although there is still a great element of fun, the twenties are supposed to be fun, hell, your entire life should be fun, the people you encounter and form relationships with now, friendship and romantic, are ones that could possibly stick for a very long time.  I have finally realized this fact and I accept the premise.  The twenties have also made me realize: your dreams are not what you thought they would be.  You do not fall in love with the kind of people you thought you would.  Your life takes twists and turns along this long road of life that you could have never imagined and hopefully it opens your eyes to other wonderful possibilities.  The twenties are a battle with the inner self, which ultimately aids in the discovery of the self.  You must commit wrong to figure out what is right and what makes you happy.  I don’t believe this battle ever ceases but I do believe it gets easier as you get older.  The battle cannot ever end because as human beings we are constantly changing and striving for greater understanding.  I look forward to greater understanding.

My mind is wandering now to thoughts of love.  Love is truly the greatest mystery in this life and I do not wish to ever understand it because then it loses its magic.  Love is not meant to be the match up between two people sharing the exact same interests, love is meant to be inexplicable and blind.  Love is fire and passion and knows no bounds.  To love someone is to see them and only them across a crowded room.  Love tests your limits and your strength.  I cannot stress this point enough: true love is NEVER easy.  This is the way I love and the way I choose to love.

As John Lennon said, whatever gets you through the night.

Goodnight.