This morning I woke up dazed and confused as if my head was in a state of hangover-ness. But I did not drink the night before. It is probably because I am endlessly tired and in a very fragile mental state. I constantly feel like I am one comment away from a set-back; a spinning right back into my state of confusion. I don’t know if I should call it a state anymore, as it has become a way of life, a condition, if you will. I really don’t believe things are supposed to be this difficult. Damn. I think I have been reading too much of Prozac Nation.

I’m not sure why every time I start to feel better, the first step on the long road to mental recover, something constantly pops up and sets me back to start. I need to know why I am constantly being challenged and why all of life seems like the last few miles during the marathon: you just need to stop thinking about the pain and discomfort and go. Eventually you will reach the finish line if you don’t collapse first. I want a pleasant jog, a few mile run but the pain is constant. I wonder when it will end. I must confess though that a few things in my life are not bringing something positive and it is all my fault so I have learned an internal mantra: Stay focused. Maybe I should have gotten that one tattooed on my wrist.

In the meantime, I will continue to exist and seek momentary pleasure, whatever it may be.

Taryn

XO

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