Today, on this first official day of Summer (with a capital S) I learned that no one is hiring. And I mean, NO ONE IS HIRING. Every job posting is a joke and a taunt, and I truly believe that they’re ALL fake. Or the job is already taken. This is definitely the worst time to look for a job because everyone’s brain is on temporary vacation until after Labor Day. I’m actually OK with that, but what about afterwards?

Today really was a beautiful day.

I thought about moving forward and moving backwards. I thought about how far ahead of the game I used to be, and how I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to get there. But then, somewhere along the way I fell behind, terribly behind, and have used the past year to catch up on the last 5 years that I lost out on, career-wise. Figuring out what you love and what-you’re-meant-to-do-for-the-rest-of-your life is utterly exhausting, and soul crushing and every other life-crushing metaphor you can conjure up. Everybody seemed to have kept moving during those 5 years, but not me. I was happy where I was, at the time until I wasn’t, having missed out on actually enjoying my standing-still time because of my own perfectionist tendencies and academic endeavors. I finally got my chance to be a fuck-up for a while. And it was the best thing I could have ever done, for me.

I got my body tattooed, explored New York City’s farthest reaches and darkest corners, met the most interesting and fucked-up people, spoke to anybody that I could anywhere I could, spent a lot of money, made a lot of money, explored the depths of my sexuality and along the way, fell in love, and  I finally discovered what I wanted. Which, funny enough, lead me right back to where I started.

I guess everything is cyclical.

I’m happy to continue on and reach farther and ignore the fact that I fell behind because I gained more than I ever could have in retrospect, if I had followed the traditional path. I think about how miserable I would have been if I didn’t pull over to the side of the road for the while and decide to hitch a ride. Granted it’s not the safest thing in the world, but it sure as hell was fun.

Now, let’s all head to the beach.

Taryn

XO