20s

What’s The Deal With 27?

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On a not-so-beautiful early Saturday evening on Labor Day weekend I find myself at home, thank god. It is such sweet relief to be sitting at my computer and not standing around in an empty restaurant in newly minted fine dining restaurant attire; I am more than happy to leave my black tie in my locker, along with my apron and wine key to be used at a later date. And I am also happy to leave the deep and dark misery I feel that is waiting tables (until I am set in my career) there and stuffed into my locker with other tangible objects.

On this Saturday evening, when I should be enjoying a beach of some sort, I am inside thinking, in a pensive mood and reflecting. I am on the cusp of turning 27 and although the age itself is not horrifying it is most unusual that a large portion of my 20’s has passed me by, realizing that I am not where I am supposed to be just yet but I am closer than I have ever been before. What is most unusual is that I am no longer a child, true I haven’t been a child in years but I have finally reached full-grown-up territory, uncharted terrain if you will where biological clocks tick louder and where every move you make can severely affect the rest of your life. In other words, there is no more fucking around, literally and figuratively. At least it feels that way.

26 sounds safe to me, not as threatening as 27, although I must admit I felt the same way when I turned 25, reaching that quarter of a century mark, feeling as if I had to grow up right then and there. 26 was not the best year and for most of it I had reverted to being a child, sucking up whatever residual childhood I had left in the way that one sips, rather slurps disgustingly loud, that last little bit of Acai Super Antioxidant Jamba Juice until you get that last little bit of blueberry….I mean, I pay almost $6 for the drink and I want to make sure I have every last drop of it, I try to get my money’s worth but it’s also fucking delicious. Am I the only one who still drinks Jamba Juice? I remember when it was made popular by Britney Spears when she was Britney Spears. My age must really be showing now.

I find myself now yearning for the past (I am incredibly nostalgic) and to go back to a simpler time where the most important thing I had to worry about was making sure that my camp t-shirt was ironed and that I was wearing the right color on the right day and then having to make it to camp on time in the morning after having had one too many beers the night before because I would lose so terribly at beer pong (BEIRUT!!) Oh, and remembering sun screen and also remembering to put gas in the car. I was a camp counselor for eight summers and it was a glorious carefree time. What I wouldn’t do to go back.

As time has progressed through my 20’s, life has only gotten harder and I can’t seem to figure out if it has been at my own hand or if it has been the hand I have been dealt. I feel as if I have purposely been challenged, more so over the past year, than at any other point in my life. It’s true that I have become more resilient but I have also become incredibly jaded and much more cynical. I guess that is what happens when you get older: what else could go wrong? I have learned to laugh at hardship upon hardship because at a certain point it actually becomes pretty funny. It’s better than crying.

As I trip and stumble to 27 and say goodbye to 26 on September 8th I can’t help but have mixed emotions: happy to move upward and onward with my life and be finished with what have been the hardest months of my life but sad that I’m moving closer to 30 and now having no choice but to grow the fuck up and realize that credit cards are not another phrase or representation of free money (I knew that before but being the grown-up that I am I am exercising super-human control right now) and that I need to conduct myself as an adult who makes rational life decisions. It’s exhausting. I am at a point in my life where everything is falling apart and everything is coming together at the same time. I’m on to the next chapter and hoping that this one will be easier, less confusing and more exciting than the last.

Hopefully I’ll survive the curse of 27 that Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, and Amy Winehouse couldn’t quite beat (they didn’t live long enough to see their 28th birthday).

Here’s to 27!

Check out my list of 27 honest realities about life you must accept before turning 27 that was published by Elite Daily.

Taryn 

XO

I Write in the Night

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I find that most of my inspiration comes at night after I have lived through an entire day. My clearest thoughts on life seem to come out at night, by night, I mean well after 12 midnight.  It’s probably because I have adjusted my lifestyle and have learned to live in the night.  I also find that in addition to my crystal clear logic that seeps out in the midnight hour, my emotional releases, i.e. crying my eyeballs out, makes me see the world in a whole new light.  I cry in the night.  No surprise there.  Catharsis in any form makes someone feel better and see more clearly than they had before.  Like any other female, or any person with overwhelming feminine qualities to them who subscribe to society’s pre-concieved notion of what qualities are feminine i.e. being emotional, I must talk and reason situations out as it brings me peace of mind.  The talking usually includes a lot of crying.  Crying, as a response to a particular situation, is also a symptom and response to my emotional instability.  I am 25 and I have never been more emotional in my life; if someone looks at me the wrong way I want to scream.  I have always been in touch with my emotions and have never been afraid to let go but as I have gotten older, I have had to hold my breath and compartmentalize my emotions.  It has become a survival technique and the only way I have been able to keep my sanity during these massively frustrating and confusing times. a.k.a. my twenties.  And what a magical time in life it is!  Ahh, the twenties, when relationships and career choices will affect your every waking moment and quite possibly the rest of your life.  Although there is still a great element of fun, the twenties are supposed to be fun, hell, your entire life should be fun, the people you encounter and form relationships with now, friendship and romantic, are ones that could possibly stick for a very long time.  I have finally realized this fact and I accept the premise.  The twenties have also made me realize: your dreams are not what you thought they would be.  You do not fall in love with the kind of people you thought you would.  Your life takes twists and turns along this long road of life that you could have never imagined and hopefully it opens your eyes to other wonderful possibilities.  The twenties are a battle with the inner self, which ultimately aids in the discovery of the self.  You must commit wrong to figure out what is right and what makes you happy.  I don’t believe this battle ever ceases but I do believe it gets easier as you get older.  The battle cannot ever end because as human beings we are constantly changing and striving for greater understanding.  I look forward to greater understanding.

My mind is wandering now to thoughts of love.  Love is truly the greatest mystery in this life and I do not wish to ever understand it because then it loses its magic.  Love is not meant to be the match up between two people sharing the exact same interests, love is meant to be inexplicable and blind.  Love is fire and passion and knows no bounds.  To love someone is to see them and only them across a crowded room.  Love tests your limits and your strength.  I cannot stress this point enough: true love is NEVER easy.  This is the way I love and the way I choose to love.

As John Lennon said, whatever gets you through the night.

Goodnight.